I become flustered and cry because he's not doing it right and he becomes annoyed because he does not understand how to help me or why I am flustered. If I allow my boyfriend to help (bless him), it usually ends in a mess. Whether I am cleaning, straightening up my desk, or checking tasks five times, it must be done a very certain way. When I am doing my compulsions, my boyfriend either tries to help or I try and allow him to help.
My boyfriend and I have had our fair share of struggles with OCD, though.
When these behaviors bring relief to the anxiety, the cycle is not far behind of starting all over again. I could go on and on about my quirks and they are different for every person who has OCD. For me this includes repetitive cleaning of anything and everything, straightening up my desk repetitively, checking that tasks are completed and things are in the correct place five times, etc. The anxiety leads me into my compulsions which are any behaviors that bring relief to the anxiety. This then sets me into an anxiety phase where I actually get worried and fear those "what ifs" and doubts even though they are not reality. Mine usually consist of the dangerous "what ifs" and doubts about myself and my decisions. So let me try and explain it to y'all in the simplest way I can.įirst, you start with obsessions. The process of which my thoughts go through is not normal compared to the general population. Trying to explain OCD to someone who does not have it is nearly impossible. Kaleidoscope Eyes is a definition of codependency but will poetically remind you that it is not worth it. Codependent relationships that aren't healthy for anyone and sometimes you are blind to the fact that it's what you're doing. These lines make me feel like I'm trying to help someone that I just can't. White blood cells fight off infections or illness. "In the sickness of you, I am a white blood cell/ Fighting like hell for you." It's an uphill journey to leave someone that you enjoy being with when they treat you poorly. I feel bad because I knew if I left they would suffer from the loss of me. I've been in a situation where I needed to just cut off ties to a person because they were affecting me negatively but I just couldn't get the confidence or personal power to do it. This makes me relate because the relationship sounds like an abusive/toxic relationship. These two lines essentially just mean that narrator is doing a poor excuse for an attempt to leave the person they are with. "I'm a disappearing act done poorly/ But if I ever get it right, you will miss me sorely."
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